6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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