dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
