is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
