I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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