dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize