I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
