You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
