To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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