trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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