just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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