I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
