I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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