the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize