Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
