he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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