I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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