Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
