checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
