all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
