I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
