I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
