One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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