**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
