hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
