Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
one might say we're banned from that church
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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