He asked me if I "almost moaned"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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