i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
