i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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