oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
