Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize