You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
