I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
