Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
