someone get that fucking seahorse.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
