Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
