lets start a swedish sibling band together
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
