I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Let's get the cat blown out
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
