I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
