just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize