"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
