I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
