I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
