That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
