it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
