i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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