Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
