walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
