After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
