I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
