Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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