I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
