I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
