You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
