I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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