I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
