forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
