seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
