There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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