His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize