I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
