They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
