...so i touched it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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