u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
