the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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