she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My breasts were aching with rage.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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