I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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