I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
