Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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