Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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