its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
