HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
