in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
