it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
