I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
