I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
