"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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