would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize